After Losing A Child – Meltdown at TJMAXX


Eucalyptus Honey. That’s what did it.

Twenty years ago I went to Spain and brought each of our kids something back that I thought would resonate with them. Laurie’s gift was Eucalyptus Honey. She loved it, and IMG_6456joked when it was gone that I had to go back to get her more.

So a couple years ago I got to go back. Several stores (and towns) were searched for that honey, and when I finally found it, I scooped up every bottle on the shelf.

All 8 bottles came through the trip and many passes through customs (even nasty Boston’s TSA – the only place that had the need to slash all the see-through Ziploc bags for honey and all the breakable souvenirs).

Today I needed a cup of organic coconut oil and the closest place with the best price was TJMaxx. My kids know what a danger it is for me to go in there. I have to peek at every container of organic food and oil. I found lemon herb seasoning, blueberry and apricot compotes, a gluten free shortbread cookie and eucalyptus honey. Oh my goodness, I thought, I’ll have to call Laurie and tell her TJMaxx has it.

I actually pulled my phone out of my purse and opened it to favorites and stood there staring at the list with one less name.


Just that morning we’d picked strawberries and the woman there asked how I was doing. I whipped off my standard, “too blessed to be depressed,” adding that it is a good reminder every time I say that, to keep my focus. Pfft. There went focus.

I finished my errands and headed home. I walked in the house and Ken took one look and knew. I explained what happened and after dinner and prayer, told him he could go to bed while I dealt with our morning haul of 40# of strawberries.

Once again, I praise God for music. It soothes and heals when I cannot think or speak or  1-FamilyJam2010listen to preaching, or verbalize. Tonight’s music was piano and flute and songs like Something Beautiful (something good, all my confusion He understood)…Soon and Very Soon (I’m going to see the King), and Hear my Song, Lord, which got me upstairs to YouTube and Anthony Burger (also with the Lord), playing a medley.

Hear my song, Lord, You fill me with music

Hear my words, Lord, You fill me with praise

Take this moment, I just can’t waste it

This one is Yours, Lord, I give You this day. (this day and the sadness in it, and the reason for my sadness)

Hear Your children, we are lifting Your praise to You

Let singing like incense now rise to Your throne

Come dwell in the place hollowed out for Your Spirit (a painful process)

Come make of our praises Your temple, Your home   LaurieDoug-Gparents

I do praise the Lord for every day this special woman, so thrilled to be a grandmother, was in our lives.

I share this not for sympathy, but for reality – reality of the heart-hole and reality of the God-comfort. Tragedies surround us daily – check any prayer group- check the news – check your Facebook friends. It makes me realize we could have lost our daughter a hundred ways over the past 51 years. Before we lost a child death was a sad drama and we attempted to sympathize and comfort others, but we did not know. The reality of the loss of an intimate relationship changes the dynamics and understanding of the tragedy of death. I share this because I want to comfort and encourage others too – to let you know that your loss is not “just” a statistic – your loss is a tragedy too.

I was reading Laurie’s emails again –like the one that quoted Job and said how can we expect only good to happen and not bad things too. They’ve become notes of comfort. I’d love to hear about your moments of comfort, and if you are not there yet, and you need a heart-to-heart, just ask. I can cry with you too.


We are in this together.

12 Comments on “After Losing A Child – Meltdown at TJMAXX

  1. Hi Delores,

    My heart goes out to you … Big hug, big love, BIG GOD! I thank God for your life. I will share a story with you regarding my mom who passed away a year ago February when I have more time. Her name is Carol. She was so strong we all expected her to live to be at least 100! And she was the first in our family to go. She was my only safe place in the whole world … I understand your meltdown. Remember that meltdowns like this only prove you are a human being with a fleshly heart (opposed to a hard one) … a beautiful fleshly heart that loves deeply and widely I might add : ) Your words always manage to reach across the page and grab mine … whether it’s with laughter, wisdom, or pain. You are wonderful and a blessing to me and many others I am sure. And GOD … woe HE adores you!


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