Be On Guard for MYself

How is your pillow?

I have been looking for a better one for some time, and finally found one but it wrecked my emotions in one night.

How can a pillow do that?  Well, usually I sleep a few hours, toss and turn, flip the pillow over, or punch it back into shape.  I had a meeting this morning and purposely went to bed by midnight so I’d wake up early enough to get ready and drive to the 10:30 meeting out of town.  I did not leave a note by the alarm clock because I usually wake by 6 at the latest (unless I went to bed at 5 which I used to do).

Well, thanks to the new pillow I did not wake up once during the night… and overslept.  When I saw it was full daylight I ran to the clock.  10:10!  I’d missed the meeting. I’ve never slept that many hours at once, or slept that late

I sent texts and later had 2 calls filled with apology and rescheduling the part I could. Fortunately it was so unusual they were very understanding over the part that could not be redone, and graciously rescheduled the rest of the meeting.

Even though it was resolved early after I called, at least half the afternoon I was really bummed. More than bummed —I was so angry at myself.

It was past noon when the last call ended and I realized I’d missed 4 hours of my detox schedule. I’d have to start over tomorrow.  No big deal, right?  But I had another reason to be upset with myself. I was miserable and figured I deserved it but what about Ken?   I apologized to my hubby half a dozen times for my attitude, explaining that my emotions were off the charts. 

Then when we went to do one errand together, a driver coming the opposite direction did a really stupid thing and after it was over I told Ken what the emotional me had wanted to do, but reason won out because of Jeremiah 11: 20

         But, O Lord of hosts, who judges righteously,

         Who tries the feelings and the heart,

         Let me see Thy vengeance on them,

         For to Thee have I committed my cause

I could tell by the widening of his eyes I’d shocked Ken by what my emotions wanted to do and that he was trying to not speak and hold his laughter in (smart man).

When he said he was grateful for my making the right choice, the bell went on in my mind and heart.

I chose to turn over the offense of what that person did from me and my emotions to God because I knew I was not in a good place to resolve it or any way near to bring glory to God.

I may not often have control over what I “feel” but I still had and have the choice of the action instead of letting the feelings make the choice.

That realization enabled me to (finally) commit my ‘me’ concern over to the Lord as well, and then to learn from it instead of grumping about it.

It is so much easier to give God my concerns or complaints about others, than it is to give my grievances about myself to him.  I know because I have learned deeply that every offense is a choice to accept or not.  A test, you might say.  It is part of what that shield of faith does – deflects the enemy’s arrows.

I would never, never, never want to help the enemy get his arrows into a beloved sister in the Lord.  Why oh why did I move the shield and expose my own self as a target?

I sure don’t want a repeat of those miserable hours so I’ve committed my emotions to the Lord and aim to engrave on the shield of my heart this

Verse :

Acts 20:28 Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood.