Yes, life continues. Sort of.
Family needs continue and are taken care of – some by rote, others purposefully as never before.
Memories intervene daily. Joys and sorrows stirred together with salty tears that never fully dry.
Joys – births, special occasions, special moments with other loved ones and yes, contact from donor recipients who would not be alive, or seeing, breathing without immense struggle, or so many other things we take for granted, but for the passing of our child.
Sorrows for so many others experiencing loss and tragedy. Listening now to Joey and Rory Feek’s music and thinking of their sad but inspirational journey with Joey’s cancer. Praying for their family to continue to feel the presence of their mom, step-mom, and wife, and for their parents. I pray for them to have opportunities to honor a special woman, as I pray for our family also to focus on the hope over the loss.
Almost hourly, I am reminding myself that scripture acknowledges grief while teaching that because of Christ, we can grieve not as the world (without hope).
I thank God for the hope, and for those who hope with me.
After almost daily messages for over a week from various people across the U.S and from other countries, some saying thinking of you, and some saying God placed you on my heart, and – all with verses on rest (!) I got the hint. I spent some special time this past week successfully getting care for an issue our Laurie was concerned about, and pampering (including a gift massage), and yes, to rest and refresh. No internet and no phone for a week was challenging, but needed, yet when I got back and turned on the phone and started going through over 200 emails I still jolted each time I saw one from someone named Laurie.
I came back to what I thought was a book signing, unprepared to find it was a speaking then signing event. Ihope to prepare a reserve message in case that happens again. Those present felt it went fine, but I continued self-critiquing into the night. Next morning, once again I got a daily blessing message, (Susie Larson), about resting, and encouragement to take myself less seriously, and God more seriously. Got the message.
Our Lazarus group continues to celebrate the second life (40 days following Easter), and I am reminded daily of my daughter’s firm conviction of her eternal destiny. Not a resting place, but a place of destiny and fulfillment. The Laz group is a 40-day reminder of resurrection and hope. Several of the members also grieve deep loss, and offer encouraging and uplifting examples of walking through deep waters. I am grateful for them, their love and prayers. Continuing life often needs a helping hand to treat the thorns.
There will be a creating of a memorial of sorts this next week, so I’m going to run about collecting tiny polished rocks for my part of an idea I hope will work. I think it will be a place to rest, reflect and pray.
But first, clean the house, and plan meals, (mine now and forever without gluten) to make preparation for the instigator of the memorial idea. Some things must continue to be done – still the same, yet never the same. Grieving – yet not without hope.