It’s hard when you have difficulty understanding what your spouse, relative or friend is going through, and it is hard knowing they don’t or can’t understand what you are feeling. My daughter we lost once wrote me that she felt that same way – and that all that was important was that God knows. And that God had never failed piloting her through a situation and never would fail.
A friend sent this verse today from a (totally different) study she was doing but I found it so related to my feelings:
For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us.
We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you. 2 Chronicles 20:12
Emotions are my vast army right now. They make me feel without power, as indeed I am. All my life I’ve felt if I know the issue, then I can make a reasonable attack plan and be confident of conquering. Not this time.
Not without power – but powerless.
There is a difference.
It is still knowing and admitting that I want to resolve and control my feelings – I want to handle it. But, I also know I cannot bear the feelings, let alone control them. I am powerless in myself and so I have to FIND THE POWER OUTSIDE OF MYSELF.
The solution is in making the Chronicles admissions:
Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s.
Do I believe like these warriors did that I could take the leap to trust God to either catch me, or teach me to fly…and whichever He chose, would be the best?
Do not be afraid. God, my daughter Laurie reminded me, had not failed her once. He will not fail me to come through this. The spirit of the Lord says do not fear – (original word fear comes from root meaning troubled or spun around from violent emotion). Do not be pushed/swayed/spun out of focus by the winds of emotion.
Do not be dismayed (distressed, depressed – original word meaning shattered or fearful). I certainly do feel shattered when I look within my limited view. Trusting the emotions makes me question the past and the future because the present is not as stable as I expected it to be.
But, the Sprit of God says do not. Do not trust what brings fear. How can I turn off that fear, that dismay? By realizing I am listening to a lie that I must fight a battle that is not mine to fight. I need to rest, limp, in His strength.
Imagine short little David – facing the bully and gigantic Philistine – with the little stones in his hand. Trusting a God he believed was bigger than his circumstances.
Imagine Jehosaphat, earthly king and man of God, facing a great multitude. And bowing before the power of God.
Imagine me, just a mom facing the gigantic specter of the death of my child and that absence hovering over the rest of my future. What do these battles have in common?
All of these battles were given the same distinction.
They are not ours.
The answer also was always the same
Recognize you have access to greater power than you or any human has ever had
Whatever your battle today, join me.
We may be power-less in ourselves, but we are not without power!
Let’s turn our eyes upon the Lord
And watch for His deliverance.