Many times this week I felt the protection and pressure of God’s hand. There were many details with my mother’s passing to complete that resulted in little sleep and much travel. Though I felt at times like I was barely functioning it was good to know that decisions didn’t rest on my own strength and ingenuity.
Support for both journeys enabled me to focus on one task at a time, letting someone else be alert for traffic and other obstacles when my emotions released. I truly felt comforted with their hands on the wheel and on my shoulder when I needed it. But I felt frustrated too – until I realized it was their gift to care for me by allowing me the safe shelter of their assistance.
It was humbling to learn how stubborn I am! I tried to use other words like tenacious, persistent, or determined, but it became a joke as each family we visited eventually reached the subject of familial stubbornness. And noted my family resemblance! I like to be in control. I think I’m finally understanding how hard it was for my mother be told she needed a guardian.
When I experienced caregiver grief – feeling that I was not the perfect person I’d intended to be, gentle wisdom lovingly pointed out how the Father protected me from my own plans, and miraculously worked out His own, better plan. What relief from unnecessary anguish.
Prayers, hugs, patience, respectful suggestions and constant comfort, while ignoring their Mom’s glaring imperfections earned my eternal gratitude.
What a blessing to learn that one’s children, like the Lord, well know (too much) about me, but love me despite myself! Through them this week, God has helped me to hide in the protection of His hands, instead of my own, to gratefully recognize my name on the scarred palms of His hands, and to rest in His guidance and defense through the gift of our children.
Psa. 127:4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior [the mighty One], So are the children of one’s youth.
Isaiah 49:2 In the shadow (protection) of His hand He has concealed me…
Isaiah. 49:16 “Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls (strong support and defense) are continually before Me.”
Because I am IN CHRIST
I am in His hands.