Who impacted your life – Write a letter

Dear Mom,

Most of my life I thought there was something terribly wrong with me, because I could not remember caring for me like other kid’s moms cared for them.  I was so jealous. You seemed  kind and tender to the two babies in our family, and always said I could never be as good as the older two. Was I an unlovable bad seed like you said?

It seemed that way.

I couldn’t remember you hugging me, being proud of me, or attending school events. No matter how I tried or what I did or didn’t do, it seemed you always thought I could never be good, would never be good

Was I unable to be loved?

It seemed that way.

I tried to love you, despite the way you treated me. I feared someday I would be like you and hurt my children the same way.  Was I unable to be a good mother?

It seemed that way.

Then I met Ken and together we found Jesus. We learned to love each other and to love others, to depend on Jesus for strength and courage to care for you those last 7 years.  Others saw the difference as I realized the one who created me loved me. I felt the difference as God through His Word taught me to show grace, to lovingly set boundaries, and gave perseverance to show God to you. Was God working through me during those years? 

It seems that way.

And in the end, when your baby, Marvel, came home to pray with you, and you accepted Jesus, you changed. I saw glimpses of the gentle loving mother I wanted my whole life.  You said thank you and you saved your wedding ring, putting it in my hand and telling me it should never be cut because it meant love for eternity.  What a miracle. Looking back, I see Jesus there – through all the pain, the garbage, and the tears. You and I got changed and our whole family got changed. Others saw it and were changed too.

Was Jesus working through all of that? Was all that pain being redeemed and had restoration come?

It seems that way.

Love, Delores

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