It only takes a moment from a too-rushed schedule. A distraction, an errant thought you want to brush away, or a rush of movement to shake off an overwhelming thought.
A thud and a captive audience gasping alerted me to the fact that I’d looked away from the door too long, and instead attempted to rush through the plate glass window next to it.
More embarrassed than anything, I groped for the door to my right and shouldered myself and the bag of “tossed lunch” toward our car. Ken peered at me oddly as I dropped into the seat and used both hands to peel my glasses off my face.
I had a headache. Expected. Back and shoulder also ached next day. Expected. Went for massage and that helped some. Went to chiropractor who sent me to MD to check for potential shingles (often follows trauma) and to check for concussion. It began to feel like 9 little monkeys jumping on the bed when both shingles and concussion were confirmed and he sent me to eye doctor because I began seeing double.
Suddenly from full-on schedule, all kinds of plans, commitments, goals to – REST.
I quickly began to realize I had carried over the drive for approval from childhood, because without lists, appointments, and commitments, I was reduced to inactivity – and I felt valueless.
Typing while looking at the screen was too painful Reading could be done but only in snatches, and only if material was at waist level or lower and I was looking down at the material, and lighting was low.
Of course the incident made me think of friend Candi Rae, who had a severe concussion. I prayed for her with more understanding than I’d been able to in the past. With my new schedule of appointments for the three areas affected, I thought of my friend Kathi and all the months and months of medical challenges she has recently. Those first days I found my value in praying with new understanding for many in my world. From time to time lack of sleep and pain relief brought me to tears and I thought of Cec Murphy – emotions are not reality – they are just feelings.
Determined to read some reality – I pulled out my BSF Lesson (John) and read one of the introductory pages of Ted Dekker’s Forgotten Way study. I’d been too busy to start it in Dec. and too busy to do it in Jan. I could not do the videos but I could read these lessons and be confronted – and comforted with reality. Both had the same truth for me – God does not base our relationship or my value on what I do, or how much I do. Even if this stage were to be my new normal (as I am praying, please, God, no), God’s love for me and relationship with me would not change.
The docs did do me one big favor – STRONGLY urged hubby to help me get a new adjustable desk. He and my favorite son got it set up and I look forward to eliminating some of the clutter it will replace. Hopefully picture next week. I also review some products and had to chuckle at the new offering from a popular post-it-note company – a shelf. It will be a great place to display some big rocks as reminders of this moment and there’s value – even in being on the shelf.
So there you have it. If you don’t hear much from this restless spirit over the next couple weeks yet (eye dr. says probably 3-5 weeks) you will know I am on the prayer shelf, soaking up some comforting reality, praying for you, and slimming down my previously overwhelming goal list.