Days and weeks and months, and yes, years are passing since our daughter went to be with the Lord.
Some things are forever the same.
I am still Mom to two daughters and a son. (and 5 other precious souls in miscarriage)
I still have the confidence of all three of my children, as I knew when each left home, that wherever life took them, it had begun with the Lord, and would continue there too into eternity.
I am thankful for the evidence of that faith each embedded in my heart. I treasure them all.
But other things are forever changed.
I’ve read a lot of precious, cute and sometimes well-meant but dubious thoughts of how to grieve – and how to heal toward being whole again. And I’ve talked to a lot of people who have lost a loved one, and all confirm what I feel.
That certain wholeness cannot return, will not return, until we rejoin them and we are one again.
I accept that, because in truth, were I to say any differently, I would be denying the power and closeness of our relationship.
Just about anything I can think of that was once complete – a whole, and now has a part missing, can never be the same. There may be a way to work around the missing portion, to function with the gap, to treasure what remains, and/or to attempt with various things to fill the gap, but nothing will or can ever complete the whole in the same way.
And I appreciate that.
The value and the particularly unique intricacies of a soul are not replaceable. Tweet that
Yes, we learn to live with the space in our heart. Some days I embrace the space she filled because I had that immense joy.
Other days I grieve for things I wish I had said or done and then I laugh because I know she would ask if I had PMS or something and get me a cup of hot tea and a piece of good chocolate.
Some days I smother her siblings, some day I cry for seemingly no reason, and every day I sigh, and then pray for those to whom she gave life.
And every October I think of her as I go to a particular just-for-me event she started me in the habit of with a ticket for my birthday. I just bought a ticket for next month’s event.
I am also completing conquering some concerns she had on my behalf. And when I recently re-read some of her notes about BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and how she said it made the most lasting impact on her spiritually I made a commitment in her memory and signed up for 30 weeks of understanding some of the depth and faith that made her who she was.
I am bringing her Bible with me.
I am expecting it will impact me too. And those forever changes will be good.
Thank you Louise, and thanks for stopping by.
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Good writings once again. You had a special relationship with that daughter of yours. We just cannot understand the ways of the Lord but some day we will. Laurie is the lucky one. She is at home safe with the Lord. Someday and soon we will be with her. Keep wirting, I love it.
Dear friend and sister, Thanks for the encouragement and for listening to the Lord and sending it. I am honored that you know so much about me and still come around 🙂 I have some guesses who you are, and that is kind of fun too – and a good reminder that we have people watching, praying and caring even (or especially) when we don’t realize it! Hugs, Delores
This is beautiful. You explained grief so well. There is a void, you’re right. I’m praying for you now that you day would be filled with peace that passes understanding and the sweet comfort that only our Heavenly Father can give.
Heather, I am sorry that you have had such grief in your life too. Thank you for the prayers – they are wanted, needed, and invaluable. Delores