Delores Liesner

I have a painful “gift” – perhaps you have it too.

I was at a writers’ conference, visiting the publishers with a friend.  One publisher was sharing about their goals to share the gospel and as an example he shared the story of a missionary who had written for them and whose family was challenged by terrorists to recant their faith or be murdered.  The story was that the husband was told first to recant or his wife would be shot immediately.  Their eyes met and she reportedly told him determinedly don’t even let the thought cross your mind.  The husband refused to deny Christ and the wife challenged, also refusing to deny her Lord, and then their child was challenged and also refused to recant. All were shot, and the husband only survived.  I burst into tears.  Apparently not used to that reaction, the publisher and my friend looked at each other in shocked surprise and I excused myself.

I joined an authors tour group in Israel and when we were taken to the Holocaust memorial I got through about half when I began crying and could not stop.  Our guide suggested I wait outside the last area where she was speaking. I could not bear to hear or read the personal stories. My heart hurt over the suffering and loss of my brothers and sisters in the faith, and felt the loss as close as I would my own actual relatives.

I can hardly bear to watch the news anymore. Tragedies abound from all kinds of abuse, disease, acts of hatred and natural disasters. It is overwhelmingly oppressive. I am sure part of my response is my own experience with abuse, and the ‘gift’ of empathy. I couldn’t bear it—if God hadn’t shown me just that – I cannot bear such weight on my own.

So what am I to do with all these emotions, feelings, concerns, and cares?

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Though the word empathy I use is not in scriptures, examples of it are:

Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering. (Heb. 13:3)

Galatians 6:2  Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.

And the apostle Paul said – I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. (1 Cor. 9:22) … meaning that he willingly identified with them, which is a compassionate form of empathy.

One dictionary defines empathy as “perspective taking” – our ability to identify with and understand other people’s emotions.

Empathy is much more involved than sympathy – feeling sadness or compassion.  There is said to be three parts or kinds of empathy:

Cognitive Empathy – a knowing or understanding of another person’s experience and/or listening until I understand.  The only way I believe I could have the knowing or understanding is if the Holy Spirit gives me the understanding, or if I have experienced it.  I think of 2 Corinthians 1:4 – who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God

Emotional Empathy– to feel physically along with the other person as though their emotions were contagious.  Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

Compassionate Empathy– when we understand the person’s predicament, feel along with them, and are moved to help them.

My kids call me a fixer.  Are all moms fixers?  I am not sure, but it is both a strength and a failing for me.

I know I am merely human, and I cannot ‘fix’ all the tragedies and challenges of life but I can take action that will help each one – and it has nothing to do with what I can ‘afford’ materially to do for someone.

Far more important is prayer.  Not even, I’ve done all I can and now all that is left is prayer.  No – it is prayer first.

Who, besides You, Lord really knows and has the supplies for all their needs – spiritually, physically, emotionally?

Beyond prayer is there may or may not be something that God has led me to DO for them or to share with others who can care for them.

I hope this has not turned out to feel like a lesson. I’m just really reminding myself how I need to evaluate the personal, public, national and international situations and needs that could overwhelm me and render me useless before God and man.  I am still in training camp, learning to acknowledge it is not in my power to ‘fix’ anything or anyone and to wait and respond after getting directions from God, rather than reacting.

So how about you, if you haven’t given up, and followed my lengthy confession…  Do you also have the sometimes-painful gift of empathy?  If so, how do you deal with it?  

I was honored to be interviewed by Heart for the radio.

Caregiving – every woman will be affected somehow. You either have been a caregiver, will be a caregiver or will be the recipient of caregiving. It is a startling thought. Caregiving impacts the entire family and this interview is my story of how God called me to be caregiver for a mostly uncaring mother.

Listen here and then check out my tips below. I’ve been encouraged to write a book on my experience. I’d appreciate prayers as I attempt to complete it this year.

https://clsimmons.com/how-to-care-for-a-difficult-family-member/

Have prayer backup

Honoring someone who seems to be dishonorable

Let God turn the “job” into a mission

Ask God to be my defender

Look for helpers

Pray the scriptures for the situation

Set boundaries

Find something good to celebrate

Keep a sense of humor

Don’t expect immediate changes (though there may be some)

Treating the person as God created them to be

Don’t expect rational responses

Choose to be unoffendable / don’t take the battle personally

Schedule prayer and downtime after each visit

A lot of new books come out every year, and my to-be-read pile grows consistently. Books by certain authors always go to the top of the stack, and two of the three fall into that category. A new-to-me author makes up the third top read so far this year.

Read on, and make a comment. That will enter you to win one of these read once like new books.

Facing the Dawn by Cynthia Ruchti

Cynthia Ruchti seems to read my heart, soul and circumstances and her books always fit some situation or circumstance from my life. Facing the Dawn was, as author Debbie Macomber is quoted, “An emotional roller coaster of loss, faith, hope, and redemption.”

Synopsis: While her humanitarian husband Liam has been digging wells in Africa, Mara Jacobs has been struggling. She knows she’s supposed to feel a warm glow that her husband is eight time zones away, caring for widows and orphans. But she is exhausted, working a demanding yet unrewarding job, trying to manage their three detention-prone and needy kids, failing at her repair list, and fading like a garment left too long in the sun.

Then Liam’s three-year absence turns into something more, changing everything and plunging her into a sunless grief. As Mara struggles to find her footing she discovers that even when hope is tenuous, faith is fragile, and the future is unknown, we can be sure we are not forgotten… or unloved.

It was no coincidence to me that this story arrived near Easter – the holiest of Christian holidays and a reminder of redemption and restoration as is Facing the Dawn. This story is a carrier of hope that deeply touched my spirit.

Finding Wings by Deborah Raney

Warmth, wonder, memorable characters and stories that brighten my outlook and influence my behavior are frequently from Deb Raney. Finding Wings is a hug from above wrapped in a sparkling romance.

Synopsis: Being the youngest of three sisters isn’t always easy for Britt Chandler, especially when her older sisters have successful lives and hers is still on hold. She put everything aside to care for their dying mother, but now their mother is gone. Just as Britt’s life finally has a chance to blossom, her sister is ordered on bed rest during a difficult pregnancy and it looks like God is again calling Britt to be a family caregiver —and nothing more.

Rafe Stuart is unable to forgive himself for a childhood mistake with grave repercussions. No matter how many lives he saves as a first responder, he can’t ever seem to do enough penance to free his soul from that decades-old tragedy. There definitely isn’t room in his wounded heart for love; it’s much too dangerous.

When these two struggling souls encounter each other, sparks fly. But they’re both scared the fire that might result could destroy them—and those around them. How can they begin to trust that God has the best for them and real purpose for their lives beyond what they’ve dreamed . . .or feared?

Author Elizabeth Musser says “It’s a captivating romance that also explores the themes of sisterly love and what it means to sacrifice for family. This book sparkles with faith, hope, and love.”

Captivating characters and a surprise little mystery woven inside kept me turning the pages all hours of the night.

The Way it Should Be by Christina Suzann Nelson

Christina Nelson is a new-to-me author with a stellar reputation. Her Amazon Author page says she “writes stories featuring women who survive circumstances to live lives closer to God’s calling. She focuses on changing legacies from dysfunction to hope.”

I was attracted to her book by praises from other stellar authors such as Lisa Wingate (#1 New York Times bestselling author) and Lauren Denton (USA today bestselling author) who says: “In the Way It Should Be, Christina Suzann Nelson doesn’t shy away from the horrors of addiction nor the heartache of the foster system and family brokenness. But in the midst of the hurt, Nelson offers pictures of grace, glimpses of beauty, and the hope of redemption.”

Synopsis: After years of estrangement, the lives of Zara Mahoney and her twin sister, Eve, are suddenly intertwined again. When Eve”s troubled lifestyle causes the state to contact Zara about taking custody of Eve’s two children, Zara feels wholly unprepared. Besides never knowing she was an aunt, her new house, new husband, and plans for the future were meant to give her a fresh start.

Meanwhile, Eve may have a real chance at a new beginning with the help of Tiff Bradley, who, after facing a heartbreaking tragedy in her own family, is dedicated to helping women everyone else has given up on.

Over the course of one summer, all three women’s hearts and lives hang in the balance as Eve desperately works toward a new life. Can they redefine their expectations of how life should be to find the hope they—and those they love—so desperately need?

I found ideas for God’s love in action, hope for a very needy foster system, and compelling characters who kept me awake (and lure me to read the other books in the series) 🙂

Leave your comment and your email so I can contact the three winners (one for each book) where it should be mailed. ———- When approving comments, I’ll edit out your email if you wish.

Happy reading! – I will select the winners on April 22.

Delores

You can never go home – or so the saying goes because many expect to recapture feelings, or regain their sense of youth from a particular moment in time. Standing on a particular piece of land, or in a building or a room may stir memories, but it cannot recapture what no longer exists.  And that is not all bad.

You see, I never was one of those wanting to return home.  Far from it.  I found it difficult to believe stories of repressed memories from someone’s childhood because I wished I could forget mine.   I couldn’t wait to leave home and swore I’d never go back. But I did.  And it was the best decision I ever made.

After years of avoidance, fear, and refusal to go “home,” even purchasing life insurance before making trips anywhere near the old town where we grew up, I had now banded with my younger sister for our first journey back in time. To pave the way for our ultimate goal of attempting some sort of reconciliation with a childhood abuser – our mother – we did a psychological and emotional geo-caching from the surrounding area. Visits with a dear aunt and cousins were surprisingly fulfilling, providing clues to happy memories that had been deeply covered with years of  negative mental writing, like a never washed blackboard. The bad memories of physical and mental abuse had been so poignant that for years it was too painful to discuss or call into remembrance our childhood at all. Now we’d finally opened a door that didn’t reveal pain. Our healing continued at the two-story white elementary school we’d attended long ago in the form of middle-aged sisters sliding down the once-forbidden fire-escape tunnel slide and sharing the scenes that gave us nightmares. 

A different vignette awaited at the home where we’d spent our teen years. A sign advertising an upcoming estate sale allowed us unencumbered entrance to the big yard on the hill sloping to the railroad tracks, and a pleasant lady welcomed our perusing the sprawling blue home where we’d grown up.  Marvel tested the lock of an upstairs bathroom that I’d forgotten existed, noting it still worked, and shared about the hours she’d spent hiding out in there crying in fear or anguish. Together we examined my refuge – the roof outside my bedroom window where I read poetry and dreamed of a normal life, and then we stood shell-shocked at the surprisingly tiny size of the “big bedroom” we had both coveted.  Walking the outside perimeter after touring the house, I recalled part of a poem by T.S. Elliot, that said all our exploring for peace with our past would eventually bring us back to where we started, and we would see that place in a new perspective, as though for the first time.  It was true. It wasn’t just that we’d grown physically and the rooms now appeared smaller, but the specters of our past had also shrunk and no longer wielded power over us.  We knew it was because of the spiritual changes that had taken place in us, I in ’62 and Marvel a few years later (after stealing my Bible!) when we’d taken the first step of giving God not just our present and our future, but believing God could redeem our past as well.

The road to redemption is roughly paved, however, and we saw only the loose gravel underlayment that trip. Greeted with weapons, harsh words and denial of our birth, we shed more tears, and left praying like crazy that God would send someone . . . anyone . . . (except us) to “fix” our mother. That’s not exactly what happened.

Driving south the next day, we were well aware that our past was not done with us, but we determined to move on and live in the present until God saw fit for the next step. My sister tried to erase her memories by describing our mother as deceased when asked about her parents.  I copped out by saying I’d wait for Mother to change, never believing she would make a move toward reconnection. When she did, 20 years later, it was eerie.

After dinner out celebrating my birthday, I’d preceded Ken into the house while he parked the car, and I heard the answering machine chirping that we had a message.  Automatically I stepped into the dark room, pressed “play,” and then gasped when I heard the familiar but thready voice singing “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear daughter, Happy Birthday to you.” That was all.  The click and “end of messages” from the answering machine left me standing in numb shock.

Ken came in, and wrapped his arms around me.  “What is it?  Bad news?”

Mutely, I reached over and hit “play” letting the message repeat. As we listened, his whisper echoed my thoughts.  “Why now after all these years? . . .What does she want?”

I knew I had to go. Perhaps her call meant there was hope.  Ken’s prayer led me to the place of faith where I believed God would lead each step of the way. Whatever the outcome, I knew the commandment to “honor” my parents, and I was determined to be obedient, if reluctant.

Weeks later, my 18-year-old granddaughter and I drove past the familiar sign announcing my hometown. My chest hurt with the pain of remembrance and my face must have showed it as well. 

“I didn’t expect it to hit me like this,” I responded truthfully, answering Aimee’s questions about my past, and detailing what subjects might be taboo and potentially spur a volatile episode.  A nearby hotel provided rest for Aimee, but my mind – the fixer in me – was clamoring. I have a weakness. Like the Apostle Peter, I often spoke without thinking, filling quiet spaces with whatever words came to mind, and once again I grappled with what I should or shouldn’t do or say. Grabbing my Bible, I flopped onto the blue easy chair in the corner, and the book fell open to the marker left from a recent Bible study, the yellow highlighting on the page ironically announcing the little phrase without words.  I knew instantly that was my answer. I did not have to say anything; I just had to be there. I quietly chuckled at God’s sense of humor. Now that would be a miracle.  I was stunned at the simplicity, but filled with peace, because if God said it, He would enable it to happen.  Once the choice was made, I slept and morning came quickly.

A gentle touch and meaningful glance from my granddaughter as we approached Mom’s little house silently softened in sympathy as the door opened and Aimee’s glance moved from me to my mother standing in the doorway of her trash-filled house. Together we helped an unexpectedly subdued little woman shuffle behind her walker which we folded into the trunk of the car, and began our journey.

I’d purposely planned more than a day would hold, hoping there would be no empty opportunity for an “episode.”  We visited some new restaurants for meals between little drives across the countryside, ostensibly to show my granddaughter where I grew up and went to school.   It was treacherous emotional territory, but Aimee kept up innocuous chatter sprinkled with innocent questions comparing cars, clothing, and school days “back then” with Aimee’s recent experiences. There were no life-changing conversations, but there was a constant opportunity to show honor and God’s love as Mom’s memories carried both of us to some good places from her past.

How, I wondered throughout the day, would my unusually silent behavior be interpreted?  The day’s end told all.

 “Before you go,” she asked, “would you help me change to my slippers?  It’s hard to bend down anymore.”  As I folded one knee down before her and reached to slip off a shoe, she rested her hand on my head like a benediction, noting with surprise that her little girl had silver in her hair.   Kneeling there, barely restraining the tears, I swallowed and looked up. Our eyes met and held, and I could not speak for what I saw written there.

The tender look from her spoke volumes of response to words I hadn’t had to say. In that moment before they glazed over and wandered away again, her faded blue eyes looked directly into mine clearly displaying words she’d never said before:  “I’m sorry, and I love you.” My bitterness slid away, replaced by gratefulness to God for filling the silence and going where I could not. 

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Are you a caregiver? Have you been a caregiver? My caregiving story had some rough moments, but many more God was there moments. I’d love to encourage you if you are on a caregiving journey too.

In a hurry with my list to complete, I parked at the post office, grabbed my packages and hopped out.  Halfway to the entrance two women walked out – with masks on.  Ooof.  Forgot my face covering.

I returned to the car to get my shield and thought about those masks and how I (sometimes proudly) tease that even some dear and near to me do not know all of me.  I’ve kept some of it hidden to be mysterious I say.  But sometimes I’ve hidden behind other kinds of masks.

You’ve seen some of them – the mask of success only posting pretty results, the mask of ordering salad eating out, then stopping for French fries or ice cream.  The mask of wearing girdles, or all black so I look thinner. The mask of promising myself only 1 piece of chocolate but putting a handful in a dish nearby.

Moses wore a veil for a different reason  – to mask the fading of the glory of God from his face.  Or wait – is there similarity with his veil and mine?

Mask or Veil – the original word in scripture means to cover or hide.

Because I know God sees all and knows all, how can I even think I can hide anything?  I’ve been young, and now am old, and am still learning the depth of difference between sorrow and repentance.

My fluffy temple boldly reveals truth.  She’s not been exercising daily (Sorry) She’s not finished that detox, (sorry) Her list is so long…(sorry I put so many things before caring for Your temple, Lord)… sorry, sorry, sorry.

The Israelites were also experienced at repeated sorrow yet resisted change …

2Cor. 3:14 But their minds were hardened; for until this very day at the reading of the old covenant the same veil remains unlifted, because it is removed in Christ.

Oh Lord, I do not want to become hardened to your voice.

 Repentance requires action but I cannot remove the veil on my own.

I read verse 16 again… and light goes on in my heart and head.

2Cor. 3:16 but whenever a man turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.

The veil can only be removed by turning to the Lord – in Christ.

Once I submit the issue to the Lord, he gives desire, clarity, and energy to care for His temple.  It’s His grace-filled gift of continuing sanctification.

Might you also be hiding something behind a veil or mask?  If so, I pray you will turn it over to Christ, the only one who can clear the way to restoring His temple – in your body – and in mine.

Let’s all ask ourselves before God – what can I UN MASK today?

I reluctantly admit I am the female version of Oscar of Felix and Oscar (The Odd Couple) 

I am a very visual person and need my plans for the day where I can see them. At times those towering stacks include recipes/recipe books, items to mail, writing ideas, things to do, and more.  

Yesterday I was in a whirlwind.  I’d had my list of to-dos stacked up on the table again and Mister was bemoaning the offense, when the phone rang. Long missed missionary friends were in the area and would stop over later that afternoon if we were available. Gladly we’d make ourselves available!

Racing around together, Mr. Neat started on his most important goal – vacuuming.  I on the other hand, do last things first, so I began making a pot of soup for a light dinner. We began to get in one-another’s way. I asked (ok ordered) him to leave the papers until I got back, and dashed off to the store for a missing ingredient and a dessert.

I quickly found the items and ran for the car.  It was raining lightly and a wind was picking up.

Parked behind my car was a small and obviously well used hybrid and next to the car, with a few papers in his hand was a very tall, very big man.  I felt God’s nudge to ask the man about his car. 

Now?  I still have to get home, finish the soup and take care of those papers.

But…I’ve learned if I don’t obey I will feel the loss of an opportunity, so I asked, “How do you like that hybrid?”  Next thing you know Robert began opening the hood of the dented and beat-up car and showing me things I knew nothing about but that led to some interesting conversation.  When he told me originally, when he bought the car cheaply from someone who couldn’t get much for it on trade in, he planned to fix and resell it.  But when he learned about the Prius, he began to value what was under the hood. God gave me the idea to liken that experience to getting to know one another and appreciating the value that is often hidden at first glance. We talked about how many people look at one another the way we might look at his life-banged-up car, and don’t immediately see the value.

We had some great conversation including Robert confirming that he was confident we’d meet again in heaven.  Robert held up the papers I’d noticed in his hand that had been flying about the parking lot. It only took a minute, he said, to pick up a few and leave this place a little neater.  This conversation was like that, he explained… Shouldn’t we all be leaving each place, each person a little better?

Indeed.

“Don’t say anything that would hurt another person. Instead, speak only what is good so that you can give help wherever it is needed. That way, what you say will help those who hear you.” (Ephesians 4:29 – God’s Word)

Turns out Robert is a new believer, and when I ran to the car in the rain, he came over and knocked on the window. Hey, he said, I think God set up our meeting with the car and everything. Would you pray for me, and I will pray for you? 

I was so glad I obeyed the nudge.

Yes, I was rushed when I got home, and yes, I hid all those papers in the closet and my Hubby praised all the wood that was exposed by its absence.  

But yes we praised God even more for the reminder to slow down, look around (and under the hood) and see what we can say or do to leave encouragement wherever we go. 

Is your life filled, too, with piles of to-do urgent things in the middle of the little details of life?

Do we know what’s under the hood or are we so busy running to and fro that we miss a God-sent mission?