POSTPONED – Today’s Interview Postponed – Internet Down

Thanks for all the warm support, but the blog radio’s internet is down so there will be no  7043interview today.

The host may be able to reschedule or the interview may be postponed until June.

I’m disappointed, but thankful y’all let me know you are in my corner.

Delores

 

POSTPONED-   blog radio interview with Patti Shene – 9:00 Wisconsin time.    http://ow.ly/LSHJ2 (a re-run will take our spot today)

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After Losing a Child – Creating a Living Memory

Imagine hearing your neighbor died. You went to his burial so you know it was real. And Laxexpthen you hear: Lazarus is back. He’s alive!

Our Lazarus Experiment group is revisiting the Biblical story, and from Easter on out, for 40 days experiment how to live a resurrection life.

If that were my experience, would I live differently?

You know I would.

I would have a new normal.

 

Major experiences in my life changed me to have a new normal.  kendee001

 

When Ken and I fell in love – we had a new normal.

 

 

 

 

 

When we understood that Christ’s sacrificial death was personal – we had a new normal.  TombCalvary

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our3kidsWhen each of our three children was born – we had a new normal.

 

 

 

 

When our grandson, David, was diagnosed with cancer and 5 years later when we lost him  DavidWorkout– there was a new normal.

 

When I became guardian for my abusive mom, there were lots of new normals…Mommeapart

 

 

 

 

 

 

And now, with the loss of our daughter, Laurie, live has again radically changed.

Each of these changes caused me to look at others’ lives with new understanding and empathy.

Before our recent tragic experience, I used to wonder when I visited others who had lost a   laurieflowerchild, why most had some kind of a memorial spot, or a tribute, some so elaborate they resembled a shrine. I never knew what to say, and sometimes the displays made me feel uncomfortable.

Grief is a foreign language until death or sorrow come to translate.

Now I am beginning to understand.

And  other parents now understand why I searched my files and collected Laurie’s emails into a notebook. They get why I long to gather all our pictures of her into a book….and why some of her possessions like a plaque of “It Is Well With My Soul,” her Bible, and music she listened to on the way to work and things she made have become extra precious. Because they all newly remind me of what she found touching and meaningful.

Friends and family have given treasures including photos and a video I didn’t have, a silver flute charm now on my keychain, a rose from her garden, a meaningful necklace she treasured, and stories about Laurie to add to my own.

All of these are healing and comforting and though I no longer have her physical presence, bring confirmation that although some parts of our life have changed, several remain the same such as our children always being embedded in our hearts and lives. That will never change.

 

An American Indian saying is “They are not dead who live in the hearts they leave behind.” MiniGardenIf you have lost a child and have not yet created some type of living memorial, there are many ways you can treasure and honor their memories.

I am making a memorial herb garden.

For Mom I made a memory video that Laurie and I drove around and showed to her elderly relatives. We made a gift of a  memory book for David’s parents. But there are so many other ideas —do a memorial release with balloons or birds, or butterflies, — create a card or token such as a pin or locket that can be shared with others — buy or create a special candle to light on holidays — write out memories or stories to review from time to time — or do something specific for others in their memory that they would have loved to do themselves (one friend gave a birthday party in her child’s memory for children who would not otherwise have such an experience).

But getting back to Lazarus, I realize he was a Christ follower as well as a friend, and I find comfort in the assurance that Laurie was too.   I think Lazarus had a new thoughtfulness as he might have attended burials of friends or family. I also know what my daughter thought tender and appropriate and what she termed “woo-woo.” I don’t mean these thoughts and ideas to be macabre or depressing, or suggest that we idealize our loved ones memory in unrealistic ways. But we do want to remember memories and qualities about those we’ve lost in ways that bring honor and thankfulness for what we had with them.

 

Throughout the Bible, God and people designated or created memorials to keep alive  gardenartcrossremembrance of a particular event or person.  The cross reminds us of the hope Christ gave. Laurie helped me design this garden cross made with nails by a friend in MI. It is now painted and stands by a floral bush she planted for me one Mother’s Day.

Certainly without these things we will still remember our loved one, but creating a living memorial can remind us in the craziness of life to look about and mark the times and places that love was known and love was shown. It is a way to honor and respect to keep their memories alive.

 

What types of memorials have you found touching and meaningful?

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A Dozen Ways to Listen

Most people do not listen with the intent to    OS02027understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
Stephen R. Covey

How should we listen?  How do we like to be listened to?

  1. Esteem (respect) the other and react (live) in peace with them – I Thessalonians 5:13

  2. Listen without interrupting and consider your response before verbalizing it James 1:19

  3. Pray for them while they speak – Colossians 1:9 2038

  4. Don’t argue (with the one speaking or with God as He speaks to you)       Acts 9:15

  5. Tell the truth with love and grace – Ephesians 4:15

  6. Thank God no matter what you hear before you answer – I Thessalonians 5:18

  7. Curb reacting so that no unwholesome words 7034come from you – Ephesians 4:29

  8. Listen for whatever is pure or right or good – Philippians 4:8

  9. Look for the ‘speck’ in your own eye – Matthew 7:3

  10. If you must admonish, do so with patience – I Thessalonians 5:14

  11. Pay attention and keep silent – Job 33:31

  12. Hear with a tender and forgiving heart – Ephesians 4:32 Mombling

 

Are you listening?

 

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After Losing a Child – Lessons from a Storm

I wonder if I will ever be done saying goodbye to our daughter. Perhaps not.  Laurie (12)

 

Last night I drove through some scary storms. Rain pelting down so hard that even leaning into the windshield and squinting, I could barely see the road. Wind blowing from the side. Lightning all around.

Just keep on. Slow down if you have to, but don’t stop.

Phone calls (thank God for in-car calling) warning of tornadoes heading our way. Other calls assuring of prayers.

Storm watch station giving constant warnings.

More calls from friend in car behind us with quiet encouragement.

I’ve got your back. Just keep going. With God’s help we will get through it.

Muscles bunching. Stiff neck, sore shoulders, back aching. Hands white-knuckled on the wheel.

Tension building.  1-carflood

Prayers flying upward. Oh God, help.

GPS says go that way – water looks unsafe – go the other way instead. Now try this way – but warnings and detours abound.

Get to higher ground. Get counsel. You do NOT have to do this alone.

We pulled off, turns out, just above a badly flooded area. Called our son and got a new perspective. Struck out again, but feeling

Hopeful. I believe I will make it to the other side of the storm.

We arrived home safely, yet feeling totally wrung out. A 5 hour drive had taken 7 but seemed like forever.

Tomorrow I will be picking up some of my daughter’s clothing to bring to a dear friend   IMG_2812who offered to make a couple lap robes from them. I anticipate another storm, but head there having heard the lessons. The Lord has my back and I am fixed to the rock. Two friends are coming along. I am hopeful that with His presence, and their help and counsel, I will make it through the storm.

Matt. 7:25 Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but it did not fall.

It was fixed to the rock.

 

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After Losing a Child – Birds, Dimes, Dreams and Life

We who have lost a loved one longs for that missing presence, and I believe God sends us Laurie at Ikeacomfort regarding our loved one. Several have told me stories of their after-experiences:

 

A child shared the comfort of a precious dream of a sibling who had died. In the dream she walked toward him smiling, healthy and whole, but curious at his sadness. She assured him that she was fine, that all was well, and when he said that their mother was devastated she appeared surprised and told him not to worry – that the mother also would be comforted.

Author friend Susan Mead, who experienced several losses in her family, wrote in her book Dance with Jesus – from Grief to Grace – how her dream of her son breakdancing with Jesus brought her peace.

Dimes – one mom asked her daughter to leave a dime so she would know of a visit and over a decade later she continues to find dimes in unexpected ways and in “weird places.”

Birds – several people claim that a visit from a cardinal is a sign from a loved one. A IMG_5820recently married couple –both widowed – have had multiple cardinal sightings. They find the birds to be a reminder to treasure life and to keep alive the memories of those who passed on.

 

I also had several experiences – one was the flute. Just before Christmas I was anticipating the difficulty of getting through our traditional music time as our daughter Laurie played the flute, son the guitar and daughter-in-law the piano. I dropped off a young lady to an appointment at the hospital, promising to wait for her in the foyer after I parked the car. A short handsome African man appeared from between cars in the parking lot, and walked alongside me, asking how we kept warm in WI.

He was here from Florida to see his mother who had depression as her third son had died. I sympathized and explained I’d also recently lost a child and before that a grandchild. I carry a card our grandson requested before he died, with his spiritual journey. I offered the fellow one, and He commented that David was a spiritual man and said he and his mother both were spiritual too. We then parted and I’d sat to wait when he reappeared at my side 1-FamilyJam2010saying, “I think you need a song today.” “A song?” I asked, and he pulled a wooden flute out of his jacket and played an old hymn. He seemed distressed when I began sobbing. I told him my daughter played the flute and I turned to get a Kleenex from my purse. When I looked up again, he was gone.

 

These unique experiences (a minute sampling) are comforting for the moment but what do we cling to the rest of the time? The important thing I believe all our stories is that they point to a scriptural truth in the story of Lazarus. (John chapter 11) Remember when Martha was telling Jesus that her brother would have lived if Jesus had come sooner? Jesus was trying to tell Martha that while her brother’s body had died, his soul still lived. Martha thought he referred to the body’s resurrection and Jesus told her “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die.”

 

Wow. Jesus acknowledged that our bodies die, but also challenged our understanding that  our essence or soul never dies the way the body dies.

 

We have been given these words to be assured and certain that what God says in His Word is true. He says

 

He is not the God of the dead but of the living  Laurie (12)

And

To die is gain (while we are in the body we can only walk by faith, not by sight)

 

Believing those words, it’s come to me anew that though her body is gone from me, my child is totally alive – more alive than I am as she is totally in His presence.  Totally in His presence.  Totally and fully alive.

In honor of those truths, and the scripture that says when we are absent from the body we are present with the Lord. Alive. I’ve evidence from my daughter’s life that she believed that and wanted me to fully grasp it as well.  Thus my prayer, while I am still here is to be

Fully alive in Your Spirit,
Lord, make me fully alive.
Fully aware of Your presence, Lord,
Totally, fully alive.

 

Lyrics to Fully Alive by Bill Gaither

 

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Just Dial – God – no Cell Phone Needed!

Many if not most of the readers have a cell phone. While I appreciate the luxury of having 2181an emergency phone with me when I travel, I’m sure glad prayer doesn’t work the way cell phones do.

 

Haven’t you hit those “dead zones” where there are no towers to transmit the calls? (no dead zones with God – just call and He is there!) I’ve also dialed one phone company but reached another because I was in their area! (no wrong numbers with God – He can reach us even if we are in enemy territory.) Many companies have since developed cooperative contracts to use each other’s towers so a call might take a bit longer or be a bit weaker as it is transmitted from one signal to another. (no transfers to make with God – no mediators because of Christ’s work we have direct access 24/7).

 

I also get frustrated with costly contracts allotting only a certain number of minutes and certain calling periods. (Yep, you can talk all day to God if you want, and all night – no charge for any communication – outgoing or incoming.) Then there is the equipment that is often unclear, static filled, or needs to wait hours for battery recharging. I was appalled to find I had to purchase an extra program for my phone if I want to sufficiently hear communication and to find that hundreds of others had discovered and paid out to fix this acceptable “glitch”. (God’s equipment is very straight forward – and the only interference is my choosing to listen – or not.)

 

Emergency calling 911 is also a blessing, but it takes valuable time to update the staff with 7035necessary information such as who you are, where you are located, the nature of the emergency and other vital details. And then there are those pesky inhuman tape recordings that go on and on listing innumerable choices (though none meet your need), and never getting you to a person who can answer your questions.

 

(Doesn’t it make sense to go directly to the person who already has all that information and get instant help or guidance).

 

While it has been fun comparing calling on God and calling with a cell phone, I am serious in believing that God’s Word has the answer for all our needs and concerns.

Below is just a brief list of some of God’s encouragement and direction.

Dial 7-1-1 for emergency encouragement  EveryDayBible010

When

Alone and scared                                        dial                Psalm 23

Assurance (or reassurance) is needed    dial                Mark 8:35 & Psalm 145:18

Broke                                                             dial                Psalm 37

Burdened                                                      dial               Psalm 55:22

Depressed                                                    dial                Psalm 27

Faith is weak                                                dial                Hebrews 11

Feeling like an outcast                               dial                Romans 8:31-39

Going through hard times                         dial                Isaiah 43:2

Hurt and critical                                          dial                1 Corinthians 13

Help is needed                                             dial                Psalm 121: 1-2

In trouble                                                      dial                Psalm 138:7

It feels like God is far from you                dial                Psalm 139

Lacking courage                                          dial                Joshua 1 & Psalm 31:24

Losing hope                                                  dial                Psalm 126

Losing faith in mankind                             dial                1 Corinthians 13

Needing comfort                                          dial                II Corinthians 1: 3-4

People have failed you                               dial                Psalm 27

People seem unfriendly                             dial                John 15

Persecuted                                                    dial                II Corinthians 4:8-9

Praying for yourself                                    dial                Psalm 87 & Philippians 4:6-7

Sad                                                                 dial                John 14

Seeking peace                                              dial                Matthew 11:25-30

Seeking secret of success                          dial                Colossians 3:12-17

Sleep won’t come                                       dial               Psalm 4:8

Traveling                                                      dial                Psalm 121

Wanting to get along with other people  dial                Romans 12

Wondering about Christianity                   dial                2 Corinthians 5:15-18

World seems bigger than God                   dial                Psalm 90

Worried                                                          dial                Matthew 8:19-34

World finances cause worry                       dial                Mark 10:17-31

You are facing danger                                 dial                Psalm 91

You have big opportunity                           dial                Isaiah 55

You have fear                                               dial                Psalm 47 & John 14:27

You need Christ-like insurance                dial                Romans 8:1-30

You need security                                        dial                Psalm 121:3

You want eternal security                           dial                I John 5:11-13 & John 3:16-18

Win a copy of the Everyday Matters Bible for Women.  Leave a comment with your favorite verse and a way to contact you. I will draw a winner at random on April 7.

 

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Listen to Your Canary!

I grew up in the U.P. – filled with tales of miners working coal mines, iron mines, copper minepicand nickel mining and more.

 

Many life-lessons came from the work in the mines that Daddy passed on. Instinct, 7th sense, discernment, and spirit-presence were all a common thread of those stories. As was the canary.

 

In the early days of mining there were few, if any, detection systems that could warn of carbon monoxide before the miners went down into the earth. Someone cleverly (or cruelly, I thought as a child) came up with the idea to offer the life of a canary to test the air safety.  miner

 

The bird was brought into the mine in a cage. If the bird stopped singing, it meant carbon monoxide was present and they exited – if the bird died, they had to get out as quickly as possible.

 

The canary was a tool that gave an opportunity to correct a dangerous situation before it 1-canary1-336x295was too late.

 

Daddy likened our inner sense to a canary and warned me to listen to the canary.

 

I especially recall one day when I did.

 

I had a part-time job delivering telephone books he office for the pick-up location was inside an old warehouse in a run-down area of town.   The manager routinely explained the system of calling, picking up the books in the back, and only coming to the office on paydays, and shook hand in a goodbye gesture. I felt Daddy’s presence, hearing inside his familiar encouragement to “make yourself friendly” and without further thought, surprised the manager when I asked if I could meet the staff I’d be dealing with by phone. He smiled thoughtfully when I explained my hereditary training to ‘put a face to a voice’, and willingly led me to each of the four cubicles that lined the wall beyond his office. “You’ve already met the receptionist?” he smilingly asked as he pointed to her desk just inside the front door and across from his office. I acknowledged that I had, and he chatted pleasantly at the conclusion of the little tour, idly mentioning that the phone books had to be stored near the receiving area of the dock, in the room behind the receptionist’s desk, as the basement was too musty for storage. I had no idea how crucial those bits of information would soon be.

 

Day after day, I queued up in line with others at the dock for my trunk to be filled with the heavy yellow-bagged volumes. Each Friday, we entered the front door instead of the dock, to turn in delivery slips and receive our pay. Each week I blessed Daddy’s memory as friendly voices called out from the cubicles and I was able to greet the workers by name, dad001sometimes stopping to visit or inquire how their families were doing. Each time I connected with someone, or made a new friend, I felt Daddy’s presence and mentally sent up a “Thanks” for the good training. His presence was especially powerful that final week when I walked in and the hair on my neck stood up.

 

Instead of the familiar female receptionist, a tall bulky man, seated awkwardly on the edge of her chair, looked up in surprise. Noting his coat and hat, I grew alarmed and quickly glanced to the row of doors on the left. Other than the large shadow of a second unknown person to my left, the entire space – the manager’s office and every cubicle, was empty. Each person’s name – known only because of Daddy’s be friendly teaching, went through my mind.   Something was wrong, and a chill ran up my spine.

The canary had died.

“Oh Daddy, help,” I pleaded silently, and a vignette flashed through my mind. I knew what I had to do.

Suddenly empowered by a hidden strength, I whipped back to the unknown man, anger rising in me. Loudly, my voice continued like a soap opera, demanding to know why the manager ‘never’ seemed to be in his office. His eyes widened, and he slid the chair back as I continued to intimate that the manager was intentionally hiding to avoid paying me. His smirk and quiet response deepened my fear. “He and the others are all in a meeting downstairs. If you’d like to join them I can show you the way.” Every nerve in my body reacted. Because of Daddy, I knew there was no meeting room in the musty basement.

 

Fear for my new friends fueled anger and I was no longer acting. screaming, “I guess not! I am sick of being treated this way. How convenient of him to be in meetings every time I am supposed to be paid. Well, you can give him a message for me and tell him I quit!”   Blu014

Slamming my paperwork on the desk, I turned and fled the dark surprised eyes as quickly as I could without running to my car. Barely cognizant of what I was doing, I slammed the car into gear while pulling the door closed and raced several blocks from the warehouse before pulling over to shakily dial the Crime Stopper number I’d seen displayed on nearby billboards.

 

Fearing recognition, I stayed home, checking the police beat in the newspaper. I didn’t have long to wait for the simple facts that read like script for Sergeant Friday on Dragnet: the date, the place, and the time: robbery in progress. No injuries. Staff had been locked in the basement.

 

Weeks later, employees were informed by phone of a new distribution location. When I declined further work (I was lucky my husband was going to let me out of the house after the scare) I was put on hold a moment for the manager. I couldn’t have spoken, if I had luvudadknown what to say, because of the lump in my throat when he said, “We’re so glad you were so friendly.”

 

Thanks, Daddy.

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After Losing a Child – Healing from Guilt and Shame

Thanks to a friend hauling me out of the house last Saturday, I heard a unique message on Guilt and Shame based on teaching from Ed Welch’s book Shame Interrupted.   1-ShameInterruptd_Cvr-2

 

Two categories of both guilt and shame (that might surprise you) are the guilt and shame one might feel from something I/we have done (like a guilty conscience), and the guilt and shame put upon us by other people or other spirits.

 

What might feeling guilt or shame have to do with losing a child?

 

1 – Guilt and shame is felt if we feel the death could have been preventable. Was it our fault, or were we even partially at fault? Could we have done something that might have prevented the “accident” or “incident?”

 

2 – do we feel guilty that we are still here and the younger person (or in our thinking the  better person) is not? Or perhaps guilty that we might be punished for past sin?

 

3 – do we know God could have stopped the death or prevented it, and do we feel shame or guilt that we are doubting if God really does work “all things together for good.”

 

4 – Whether we could have prevented the death or not, if we asked forgiveness are we understanding that it has been erased or are we believing the lies that accuse us and put us to shame for something which God has already forgiven?  Are we listening to lies that say that forgiveness is not for us?

 

A few of the encouraging points to deal with such lies and accusations are:

Thou Shalt Not Kill

Thou Shalt Not Kill

 

 

1 – Ask if the questions/taunting/accusations bring life. Do these thoughts bring me closer to Christ? Do these thoughts bring peace and comfort? Do these thoughts offer hope?

  • If not – then refuse the offense/insult/condemnation – Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
  • Then thank God for using the wicked thoughts to remind you that that too is covered by His blood.
  • If the questions, or musings do cause you to draw closer to Christ, then thank Christ for bearing any guilt or shame – remember that He took it ALL on Himself – (Ephesians 1:20) and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

 

2 – Remind myself there is nothing I can do that ‘trumps’ or finishes what Christ has already done – completed – finished. Gal. 2:21 I must refuse to to repudiate God’s grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.

The next time I feel godly sorrow and shame (guilt for something I actually did) I will recognize that this is good guilt that produces godly sorrow that leads to confession and healing. I will repent and leave it with God.

The next time I feel worldly shame (this leads to condemnation and isolation) I will evaluate if it is from the sin of actions others have done toward me and/or from deceitful lies of the enemy. If so, I will reject it, and seek the prayer support of others.

And the next time the enemy whispers, as he did to my friend, that forgiveness is “not for you” I will shout it to the heavens …

It was for me. Christ bore this shame for me. I will not refuse His gift of cleansing and I am PrairieandMisc2014 1340healed.

 

Isaiah 53:4-5      But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—

our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.

We thought he brought it on himself,

that God was punishing him for his own failures.

But it was our sins that did that to him,

that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!

He took the punishment, and that made us whole.

Through his bruises we get healed.

 

 

.

 

 

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From Power-LESS to Power-FILLED

I am NOT a helpless victim of Satan.

Though I am power-less on my own,  I have access to resist the enemy through the power 2336of Christ.

 

Goal: Sustainable victory. Being filled with the power of Christ so that the ONE who is able will keep me from falling and will one day present me before (Christ) without fault and with great joy (Jude 24).

 

Need: Weakness or temptation of the spirit needs the same thing our weak body needs – consistent healthful input — a change of habit to increase strength and vitality.

 

Habit: Take comfort – to trust in – the mind of Christ instead of my mind or emotions. 1Corinthians 2:16 For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE SHOULD INSTRUCT HIM? But we have the mind of Christ.

 

When I find my thinking straying or sinking I can turn to the mind of Christ and redirect my thoughts to be consistent with His will.

Bible study

Effect: – His power increases – my weakness decreases – John 3:30 –He must become greater; I must become less.

 

When I rely on the power He poured into us at the time of salvation – the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit – I allow His power to increase, and mine to decrease. When we receive Christ we receive ALL of Him, but we sometimes don’t offer access to all of us.

 

If I learn to rely on Christ and turn to His Spirit within on a daily basis, that habit will train my thoughts. Captive thoughts will lead me to victory, instead of fear, in the time of crisis. Drawing near to God is the way I can overcome. 2Corinthians 10:5 (The Message) We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.

.

 

Methods: To develop those habits I need the right kind of input on a regular basis. Healthy spiritual food and vitamins! Philippians 4:8-9 lists what keeps our mind leaning   Root-your-identity-in-him.-652x489in to dependence on the mind and character of Christ: whatever is right, pure, lovely, admirable, anything that is excellent or praiseworthy. Put these things into practice! Paul tells us.

 

Results: Whatever we allow into our minds affects our attitude and our actions.

2 Corinthians 10:6 Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

 

POWER-FILLED and confident belief that refuses accusation and condemnation and reminds me of what HAS begun in you, WILL continue to be perfected.

 

 

Phil. 1:6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will IMG_1050perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

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After Losing a Child – Comforting the Personalities of Grief

Just like the personality types (most people have one dominant type with a lesser influence IMG_0379of one or more types), grieving and stress reaction is also often seen as types – or stereotypes.  Here are

Three Frequently Misunderstood Stereotypes of How People Grieve

 

1 – Calm as Ice

If some family or friends are calmly making arrangements without obviously expressing grief, or express that they don’t understand why another family member cannot stop sobbing, it is tempting to think they don’t care or must be without feeling.

 

Actually this person may just be most comfortable expressing their loss by helping others armorsuitthrough getting and analyzing details and needs. They long to make informed decisions and take appropriate action. They are calm and extremely helpful to other personalities in times of emotional upheaval. Yet those very helpful qualities we admire can also be viewed (unfairly) as cold, uncaring or without feeling.

 

This personality can be encouraged by expressing how their actions show a great respect, or love, or loss of the loved one, and are appreciated.

 

2 – Overwhelmed

This person will likely display the full gamut of emotions and often will think no one understands what they are feeling. They get frustrated with themselves because they are feeling so much at once.

 

These very sensitive personalities feel strong emotions deeply, and may seem to the IMG_1304analytical personality to be less likely to be able to rationalize or intellectualize the pain of grief. Yet they are often the ones who can understand and help those who appear to be unable to comprehend the loss (too young, too old, too ill).

 

These people often best relate to statements rather than questions like, I’m sorry for your loss – I’m here for you – What great love you must have had.

 

3 – Superman – WonderWoman

Those who have been raised to believe ‘real men’ or ‘strong people’ don’t cry can be conflicted between what they feel and what they think is appropriate to express. They struggle to hide their true feelings and emotions because they have been taught a public image of strength that must never be unveiled to be emotional. Even though many of these OS11070people feel both the grief and emotions and the pull to keep their grief private they are often at a loss to express themselves. A resulting effect is to feel very guilty for feeling differently than what is expected of them.

 

This personality can often be encouraged by receiving a memento, a note about a particular memory, or a photo the family might not have.

 

I’ve not yet met any one of these personalities who do not appreciate a card or note, or memory of their loved one in the months after the initial grief. Don’t hesitate to send it if you think you don’t know what to write. A simple thinking of you cards with your name can lift their spirits greatly.

 

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